She is a lost cause.

by Lee
(Canada)

What does depression look like? It is a woman who avoids stepping outside of her house. She dreads visitors to her home. She feels like she has lost the ability to make her own choices and people she loves force their decisions on her and she doesn't say much. She has lost the ability to be there for her family and simple household chores are totally overwhelming. She loves a clean and orderly home and is extremely embarrassed most of the time because it is not so. It is overwhelming to have friends or family come visit. There is no joy in the forced social interaction. She puts on a brave smile and plays the part well. She has always been able to hide it in the past because to be depressed is to be weak and worthless. Friends and family say chin up and look the other way because they don't know how to deal with her sadness, her inability to find work, her heavy and negative attitude lately. As much as she has tried to hide the depression, forcing herself to smile and participate when she just doesn't feel like it, it is better that then to try to explain the pain and extreme sadness inside that is always there. When she stops and thinks why do I feel this way, a hopelessness and a helplessness so powerful envelopes her and she becomes paralyzed with despair. She stays in bed and can't get up and wishes she were dead. She cries for hours or days, till her face is swollen and eyes are red and dry. It takes days to find the strength to set up a doctors appointment and she dreads the visit. So difficult to reveal that she is weak and doesn't want to go on anymore when she has so much to be thankful for. She told the doctor, but the doctor ignored her and told her she was fine. See, she is so good at hiding it that even her doctor doesn't believe her. She is so embarrassed to admit that she needs help. She is trying hard to eat better and trying to exercise, but then she stops and can not get started again after just a week of it. She is at her ropes end and knows no one is going to help her if she doesn't begin to help herself. but how..........