nothing can make me excited

by veronica schnoor
(south africa)

me with daughter,look at my eyes

My eldest daughter died five years ago, she was turning sixteen and would have been twenty one. We were not on best terms when she died and that is why i believe i cannot get over her death.Had we had a better relationship i believe her death would not have been so hard to handle.When i think of her not coming back or look at one of her photos it is enough for my depression to set in.I feel like a part of myself died with her. People have told me its time i moved on and stop being depressed but i wish it was as easy as that. I have been on all types of medication trying to find the one best for me but nothing can pull me out this darkness.I used to be a very outgoing, easy person but now am not very easy to be around.

ANSWER:

Thanks for sharing Veronica. My heart breaks for you. I sense that you are beating yourself up for the rocky relationship you had with your daughter. The tough thing is this could be affecting your relationship with your daughter you still have. May you claim the blessing you have in your living daughter - that you are blessed with her and can choose to invest in her and guide her to be a loving, peaceful, kind, gracious, patient, joyful, good, faithful, strong and gentle woman. You won't find this within you. When life did not make sense for me, I found hope in this promise...

"Don't lose your grip on Love and Loyalty.
Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.
Earn a reputation for living well
in God's eyes and the eyes of the people.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track." (Prov 3:5,6)

May this give you strength to know that there is something bigger at work. I didn't know why I had to go through such pain and depression but now I use my experience to help others. I love spreading the hope I found. Hold on to the One who loves you. Here's some more to my story...