My Quiz

by Jenna
(Grand Forks ND)

1. Think of the top 3 people you see most often during the week. Are they positive people or pessimistic people? Do they give you a glimpse of hope and joy or do they squash it all?

I see Ryan my boyfriend and my daughter cambree and i dont usually see anyone else. My boyfriend doesnt support me he doesnt understand what i am going through and doesnt try to so he is pessimistic about me but my daughter is 3 months and always happy! sometimes i think she took all my happiness! lol

2. Where do you want to see yourself after being depression free? What do you want to be doing with your life?

I want to be the best mom! i can be, and be working at a great job i can make friends, and i want to have my boyfriend appericate me more and not think im nuts.

3. As you think about your depression, what do you think it may be teaching you about yourself?
I think this teaches me im not perfect and i dont have to be perfect! i think it teaches me that i need a better support group of people.

4. What or who makes you angry? my boyfriend when he doesnt listen to me about how i feel.

5. What or who makes you sad?
my boyfriend... wow maybe i need a new guy lol, i just get sad... no matter what?

6. What or who brings you joy? my daughter brings me a lot of joy! she is so beautiful! and so much fun i just wish i was normal to enjoy it!

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Sep 10, 2008
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for Jenna
by: Merri Ellen

Hi Jenna,

Thanks for taking the time to share. I want to encourage you with your boyfriend to experiment with finding ways to be kind to him. I'm not saying you're not. Just try something this next week. I think you may find something coming back to you! Every day ask yourself the question, "what can I do to bring him joy?"

It may be simple things. Why do this? This may bring some spark back. Your boyfriend may be feeling the stress of life and is taking it out on you. So, for the time being, see how you can lighten his load and put spring in his step. This may not work but then again it may and you may have fun doing it!

Start with seeking to find out what he appreciates:

-verbal affirmation?

Tell him he did a good job at something (has to be true).

-quality time?

Do something with him that he loves: like watching football or whatever (even if it's painful- within reason). If he likes to talk, ask him about his favourite subject and be seriously interested or this will backfire.

-physical affection?

if he loves this, even a simple shoulder rub is delightful and he feels like a million bucks.

-gifts?

what little thing would he appreciate?

For now, if your boyfriend is not listening to your feelings, share them with a girlfriend for the time being. Like I said above, he may be feeling the weight of being a father and provider. There's a lot of stress a guy takes and often we women tend to forget this.

So, experiment with lightning his load and tell me how it goes. I think you may find an interesting change in him. It works for me and my man anyway. I tend to forget about his needs - hey we all do - we are human. But, when I seek to show him he is valued, I get cherished too. But, I must have the right motive. Give to give, and not to get.

What about your load with your beautiful new little girl? See if you have friends or other family nearby who can help who are happy to do so. This may help to take the stress of him too and of course you!!!

Tell me how it goes...

Thanks again for sharing,
Merri Ellen

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