My life is worthless - 8 abortions abused more then i can count and raped even more

I am 16 years old and you probably think i should be going out and having fun right? But instead I'm telling you my story of the hard times I'm going through. I barely remember what happiness feels like, the closest to happy I get is when I'm under shelter and have a meal on the table. Everyday I go to my friends house who give me some food they snuck from the refrigerator or let me stay in their basement for the night. I am thankful for this computer i found down here because I need to let everything out. Sometimes I go days without any food or a roof over my head. All I have is a job that i consider more like a mission. I have to sell some weird looking grass. My boss says it's so rare that i can't let any police see it. Supposedly it's supposed to get you the highest richest yard in the world. But i just don't get it.

I ran away from my home when i was 10. It feels like so long ago I had my last final hit from my mothers husband. He used to come home wasted and hit me and my mom. My mother said it was my fault and that i was putting too much pressure on him to get me some books to read. That was the last time i heard of them. Sometimes i watch my mother leave for work in the morning and she seems happier when I'm not there.

When i was 14 i had my first love. He was 18 and he said he's love me forever if i did one thing. And thats when i found out what sex was for real. At first i said no but he ripped off my shirt and said "too late" but i didn't want to get hit again so i went a long with it. Then i started really saying no and he'd use to hit me so hard ill be knocked out and wake up the next morning bleeding from my head and all my clothes ripped off. I was so scared i didn't have anyone to tell. He was the only one that kept me in his house more then a month.

I ran away from him as well. I remembered his warning "If you run away like you did with your parents i WILL come after you" at first i didn't think anything of it but when he came back from his job early and saw me packing my backs he took out his belt and whipped my back. I still have scares. He took a rope and wrapped it around my neck dragged me across the floor and screamed "DONT LEAVE!" then he unzipped his pants and made me do something so terrifying, then he took some pills from his bag and gave me some, it was sooo dizzy and i was sooo confused, i could barely even lift an arm. all i remember was that i was in the bed naked, once again, bleeding and being raped.

i finally escaped and then i thought about how F*cked up my life is so i tried committing suicide. but i was so stoned i said why would i do that?!?! i'm already in hell.

Now i am here, trying to earn a living by myself with a few help with my friends. not only did i sell grass not too long ago i got a promtion and all i have to do is lay in bed with my shirt off and be taken pictures off. When someone wants me to go to their place i get there and next thing you know it im being raped again...

well thats my story 8 abortions abused more then i can count and raped even more

now you know my life. can you stop my depression

ANSWER:

Thanks for sharing. Your story breaks my heart! Your life circles are indeed killing you and you need out! I don't know which country you are in otherwise I could direct you. Find your yellow pages and look for a place of help. Find a crisis or recovery center you can escape to immediately. Take courage and take the step through the fear. You must not stay!

There is hope! You are worth it!

Merri Ellen